I Got Engaged, Now What?

My husband and I are almost coming up on our first wedding anniversary. I can’t believe it. It feels like its only been a few months.

Truth is, if you are in a season where you are thinking about getting married or if you just got engaged (Congratulations, by the way!), it’s easy to feel a bit overwhelmed at the beginning of the wedding planning process, and that’s okay. I know I did at times.

First of all, weddings are not cheap nowadays, and a lot of details go into a wedding. To help you better navigate this time, I’d like to share a few ways you can go about the wedding planning process and encourage you to think through options you maybe wouldn’t think of, and even share a few things I learned and/or wish I knew. My intention is to help guide you to look deep within your heart when it comes to marriage and be intentional about getting ready. That will set your heart posture in the right place while planning.

Position your heart.

One of the things my husband and I agreed we would do after we got engaged was to focus not only on the wedding “day,” but also on preparing ourselves for marriage. We were intentional about making sure we were both prepared to learn about God’s design for marriage and pray that our marriage would keep God at the center. We started reading books about marriage and went through several devotionals and exercises for engaged couples.

When you take away all of the pressures from society, that come with the wedding day, like the appearance of the wedding, guest experience, how it will all come together, and so many other things; if you take all of that away you are really only left with God, you and your future spouse for the rest of your life. I would say, be rooted in your identity in Christ and continually learn about God, together and individually, as a place to start your journey together.

Set boundaries.

Boundaries are key! In order to set boundaries, you have to have a good understanding of what you envision for your wedding day and how you will get there. Then, you will be able to create boundaries around when to talk about the wedding with your future spouse and also how to plan it. Why? Because talking about the wedding every time you see each other isn’t always wise and can create more stress than is needed for each other. Plan together and be productive but also schedule time together to enjoy time with each other. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of planning for the wedding that you end up missing out on enjoying the season of being engaged.

My husband and I were long-distance, so that added more layers to our wedding planning process. Being in a long-distance relationship requires you to be so intentional, overall. We tried to be efficient by scheduling at least two days out of the week to focus on the wedding and the rest of the week; we tried to spend out time in other things like reading a book together, doing something that we loved, or even going on a walk and just talk.

Your engagement season is still a time that you and your fiancé or fiancée could use to continue to date, learn about each other, and enjoy being an engaged couple; you only get to experience that once in your relationship. So, take a step back when you get engaged and think about what you really want so you can protect those desires.

Take premarital counseling.

This was probably our favorite. As soon as we got engaged, my husband and I began our premarital counseling with our pastors. We learned so many wise lessons and practical exercises that Jose and I still come back to often. Our eyes were opened to how God truly created marriage. We learned about the top 5 needs of a husband and a wife, the right way for couples to demonstrate caring love for each other, where to put your greatest effort in creating and sustaining romantic love, finances, kids, and so much more.

I truly recommend you seek wisdom from a mentor, elderly couple, or your pastors before marriage (and in your marriage too). I think it’s the perfect opportunity to learn more about one another, build communication and problem-solving skills and identify any expectations that may be unspoken.

So, tell me, have you been through something like this? How did you handle it? I have a million questions for you.